my buddy icon:

Chris —

Most families have a "black sheep of the family" — noun: a discreditable member of a respectable group. Instead, one of my siblings is "plain"... the "plain sheep of the family."

Thats right. Chris converted to the Amish life.

Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being plain. Nothing wrong with forgoing "outside world" luxuries such as automobiles, tractors, phones, or even electricity in pursuit of a deeply religious, family-centered lifestyle that hasn't changed much since the early 1700s. But the other day, after I sent him a picture I had made — one that portrayed his son, Reno James, as an adult project manager for a modern construction company — he told me that he was upset that I did that, that it "wasn't Reno James", and moreover let me know that he would rather the image be removed from my website.

While I will wholeheartedly honor my brothers request — do onto other as you would have them do onto you — I will say that I think the Amish Elders would agree with me that allowing this one instance of (now removed) blasphemous fakery to be posted to my family tree-like section of my website is acceptable given the context.

Chris comes from an Anabaptist-related family where copping a feel of a cows teet could be considered sexual activity and was almost banished as a result of this image taken by a tourist. He immediately rededicated himself to the conservative lifestyle and no longer follows his favorite NFL football team (he hasn't watch a football game in many years), and any crumb of humor could only be detected under a microscope — non-electrical, of course.

I may be speaking in extremes here... He has recently succumbed to the enormous pressure of modern life and subscribes to CallerID^® services from his local phone company. Yet on the other hand, he continuues to subscribes to his internet service provider using a 5 hour per month limit — this when unlimited use can be had for as little as $10 a month.

While I have rambled on how Chris' views differ from mine, I do need to point out that he has done extremely well as a buggy carpenter. He has participated in many races and in this years Lancaster500, Chris finished in first place with a record breaking time of 23 hours and 18 minutes. Second and third place finishers were the Elder Samuel Lapp with a time of 25 hours, 6 minutes; followed by his son Daniel with a time of 25 hours, 42 minutes.

Originally I was going to place Chris my permanant pooplist, but his little sister talked me out of it... and in hindsight I guess she was right. He will always be my brother, and I will always love him, but damn... he needs to lighten up.

The characters and events depicted in this biography are fictional. The characters bear no resemblance to any person living or dead.