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Neal —

Someone once wrote, "Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door."

Neal believes the world will beat a path to his bathroom door, now that he's created a better toilet.

Neal, a student at Virginia Tech, believes he's made the biggest advance in toilets since Thomas Crapper invented the, well, crapper. Neal has invented a toilet that, not unlike a car wash, automatically cleans and blow dries the user.

Neal, 23, got the idea a few years ago when he injured his arm after drinking alot of gin one Friday evening.

"It brought tears to my eyes when I tried to reach around on the toilet," said Neal, a lean, energetic man.

"I thought then that I should make a toilet for people who are handicapped, overweight or elderly. It took me about two months of 12-hour days to come up with this."

Basically, this is how the improved potty works: At the flick of a switch, a spinning turret on an arm moves from the side of the bowl to the middle of the toilet, then upward to gently "interface" with the user.

"The turret revolves at 1,000 rpms and is constantly soaked with water," Neal said. "I personally tested it and I can tell you it cleans very effectively. It also feels good - really good!"

A second switch starts a blower that delightfully directs warm air to the user. A third switch flushes the toilet, on which Neal has a patent pending.

"If this is mass produced, I think the cost could be as low as $250 per toilet," Neal said. "People say this could make me a millionaire, but I don't care about money. I invent things to satisfy my mind. All I need is a piece of bread to eat and I'M satisfied."

The characters and events depicted in this biography are fictional. The characters bear no resemblance to any person living or dead.